The World is A-changin'

[Elly4]

Zephyr, I'll try to answer to the best of my ability.

Since the birth of my son, we would make love maybe once a month sometimes more, which actually was a lot more than I ever did before my son. The physical discomfort went away after the birth of my son, which makes sense. It was probably about 7/8 him and 1/8 me. Interestingly the 1/8 times for me were in 2014.

So, very often it was my H who initiated and I would accept or deny. It got to be very painful for both of us before we had our S as I would feel bad for saying "no" and he would feel bad for asking. But we would keep trying.

After our S was born, we talked about sex a few times and frequency. He indicated he wanted to make love every day and I immediately became afraid that I would let him down again because I wouldn't emotionally be able to make love every day with a young infant. But I made an effort to do it more often. And I would initiate some days, and just fun as well. The POV is tough here as I felt like he only wanted to make love quickly where as I might want to just cuddle or fool around sometimes.

After November, when he told me that he felt like I was only offering because I was trying to save our M, I have not initiated. I don't know how. I don't want to be told I'm doing something only to save our M, which when he said that, upset me greatly. I've worked hard to understand that I, alone, am in control of my physical self and I felt like he diminished that.

But, I think I mentioned this many threads ago, although he denies it, I fully believe that intimacy in a physical form is a huge part of our issues, and I'm not quite sure how to go about getting it back.

Because of my own trauma, I have deeply wounded my best friend and H. I just don't know what to do about it.