have i been making mistakes too long part 4

[tkdmme]

Guys,

Yea, I get to see her and to be honest im not sure if that's a good thing. She ignores me and everything I do. Unless she needs money or needs to talk to me about the kids. The hurtful thing is that she seems unaffected for the most part. I am still trying to stay hopeful even when it seems hopeless.

Another thing that bothers me is her attitude toward my family. She has always had a great relationship with them and now she doesn't talk to them at all. They have done a lot for us over the years.

I know that the DB program is the only chance I have but it just seems like this will never end. I want my family back together and I don't know if that will ever happen. What makes this so hard is the not knowing. I am trying to embrace and accept it but it gets too hard sometimes.

I have been going to bed as soon as we put the kids down in an effort to stay away from her but I lay there wanting to go out and talk to her until I eventually fall asleep.

I know I could have another woman if I wanted to and I know that I will eventually be ok but that's not what I want for me or our kids. They don't deserve this. She is willing to make everyone around her unhappy so that she can feel happy.

I told her early on before DB that we know that divorce will lead to more heart ache and devastation. However, we don't know where we would be if we both tried to make this work. She refuses to even entertain the thought of us ever being together again.

Im just so sad.