Not even sure what to put in here a summary at this point, though my journey continues.
My take at the moment is this:
BD was not a gift although there have been innumerable gifts within it. The lessons keep coming, each wrapped with it's own unique flavor of pain. DB'ing has very little to do with my M and everything to do with how I exist internally and relate to people.
It's the craziest adventure I've ever been on and wouldn't trade it for the world. Although part of me would trade it all to have my W back. But then I wouldn't. That should make sense to anyone that's been at this longer than a few months.
My W has asked for a D and has told me that she will be contacting a lawyer this week. She's also opened up more than at any time in the last 8 months allowing me to see my dog and have access to her house.
Time is my friend. My excruciating friend.
My life has changed so many times and ways since BD that I'm not even sure who I am any more. However, I like this version so much more than the man I was in my M. We're going to be pals.
The only constant seems to be change so I'm still taking things day by day, trying to learn as much as possible, breathe as much as possible, and stay open to the limitless possibilities that exist. Learning seems to be key.
Without this board I would be completely lost so if you're reading this, you have my sincere thanks. Especially Wonka.
If any of you are struggling with addiction and or substance use, please post about it here and I'll do my best to help you.
Let the journey continue wherever it may take all of us.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
