so cadet gave me the gentle 100 post nudge that it was time to start a new thread. (BTW Cadet - Thank you for all you do on here)
The last thread lasted nearly 3 months which is a long way from the 3-4 days when i first got here.
as always thanks to everyone who reads this and offers support wherever its on the forum. Particularly thank you to the loyal band of folks who have stuck with me for so long.
Quick stock take of where i am: BD was nearly a year ago and my XW has been unwavering since in that she had to leave because of how 'awful i was to live with'
Some of her criticism was fair, some not, a lot was to do with my reactions and insecurities (read NMMNG or WAFV,MAFM and you'll get a good description). I've been seeing an IC regularly in part to process the grief and in part to explore some of my attitudes and beliefs about myself. Although I can see where a lot of it was due to the dynamic, my parts were wrong and I never want to repeat that.
throughout there has been OM1 on the scene, XW and he are now living together and he gets on well with my kids. They like him and talk about him. XW seem happier now than she has done in years.
Communication between us is almost purely functional and some aspects still grate a little - I sorted out an inaccurate childcare bill which saved us both money and she didnt even acknowledge it for example.
As for me, well im fitter than i've been in years. Im probably more relaxed than i have been in years - Im certainly better rested than i have been since the kids were born. I'm working on social GAL but need to improve this a bit and i'm doing a better job of connecting with my family.
I have asked XW if I can meet OM. I said that D4 had said something, she asked if its a problem to which i said 'of course not, its your life. Congratulations'.
I explained that i wanted to meet him as he has such a big involvement in the kids life and I would prefer the first time i see him isn't in front of them. She questioned this and got a bit defensive until I asked her to imagine if it was the other way round.
There was slightly more conversation where her face lit up as she talked about OM with S2. I said something like 'he seems good with the kids and they seem to like him, and he makes you happy. which is all good. I'm glad it worked out as you wanted it to'
I will probably file for divorce in the near future, although i was going to wait to the 2 year mark (due to UK law) i increasingly feel like I want it done so I can properly move on with my life.
I love her, always will, but its time for me to be done with this and commit fully to the second best scenario because from here what i thought was the best looks pretty Cr@ppy.
have a good evening folks
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
