My lizard and her tunnel ...

[AJM]

Club away? Don't think that's necessary, do you? You're much harder on you than anyone else so far.

Depression for her adult life?
Drinking?
Not taking the meds after taking them for years?
Not sure what she wants?

As for your identity - I firmly disagree with the idea of having one separate like you describe. I'm firmly in the camp of bonding and becoming one entity. My identity is not important in the scheme of things - my marriage and family are.

That, and having been through it, I can tell you that identity can and should be rebuilt from time to time anyway. I have no issues with that. I'm a young, healthy man that can and should reinvent himself at various times in his life. No worries.

I'm serious when I say that you should be careful about letting her back. This seems oddly familiar to me in a lot of ways and I'm quite sure how it will end if she comes back and doesn't deal with her issues. She needs to be firmly of the mind of working on the marriage before returning. No exceptions.

My opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

AJ