Well today is my antiversary and anniversary. exactly two years since BD #1, which coinicided with my 15th wedding anniversary. I have good days and bad days. But overall, I feel pretty good today. I like the person I am becoming. I still struggle with detaching, some days more than others. I really don't feel glum today. Although I am still married and living under the same roof as my W, I do not feel very married at all. I feel single, and ok with it. I would not say I love being single - after 15 years of what I thought was a blissful marriage - but it's not terrible being single either. That said, In the back of my mind I am beginning to visualize how happy I could be with someone else. I miss intimacy - a lot. I miss the feel of a woman's skin, the scent of woman, the curves of their body - the neck especially, for some reason. I know that I am a work in progress, but I think that there is already a woman out there who will appreciate me. I just need to get through this awful D stuff. I hope I can trust again afterwards.
I saw OM today. I did not have the shakes. No pit in my stomach. NNo nuthin'. It felt good to be released from his grip. I hope my apathy towards him lasts and gets stronger. He was with his STBXW. I am not sure why his STBXW would want to be seen with him. I guess she has her own issues to work through. OM is so weak. I can see it from across the parking lot. He is so desperate for any kind of validation. He needed my W to give it to him, I guess. I think they deserve each other, as sad as that sounds.
