Separated...and working on it

[Di-mond]

I'm still around! I've been feeling quite lethargic as of late and whenever I do have some energy I work on the house. My H is gone, moved in with his mom 3 hours away from here. We actually had an MC session the day he moved. I was quite agitated and we had some not so nice words to say to each other, but still left on good terms. We both needed to hear each others realities that led to the demise of our marriage.

So here we are 3 weeks after he moved. He has been back in my town three times since to teach for a day. He stayed over night once. I was invited for dinner by his mom last Sunday and stayed overnight. We text a couple of times a day and usually talk once a day. Often I'm conflicted. I'm his wife and as of right now I'm kind of his girlfriend and that is just not good enough for me. On the other hand I really don't want to live with him right now and am not sure if I ever will again. For the most part I STFU and just live in the moment. I do what I have to do and go where I have to go. I tell him nothing about what is going on with me unless he asks and I don't initiate texts or calls. I was the initiator of most of our communication throughout our marriage. I heard often enough from him how that agitated and irritated him, so now I just don't. At first it was pretty hard, but now I really don't think about it. Sometimes I wonder if now I'm becoming the WAS.

V,
My diagnosis for Scleroderma is deep localized morphea with a large patch of skin hardening running from mid stomach to my right flank up to my ribs. I also have joint issues(hands, feet and elbows),rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, allergies, IBS, sjorgen's disease and elevated liver enzymes. Most of my "symptoms" are related to my over active/compromised immune system.
Yes stress is a huge instigator in flare ups for Scleroderma patients. I'm sure my failing marriage, crappy job and overly demanding children didn't help my situation. In a strange way I'm somewhat grateful that the stress in my life over the past few years aggravated my illness into a major flare in 2013. For years I had "issues" and whenever I asked or talked about them to my doctor or family members I was dismissed as a complainer and hypochondriac. Finally in Nov. 2013 I got a confirmed diagnosis after x-Ray, ultra-sound, MRI, CT Scan and then a biopsy. As frightened as I was at first, I finally had validation that I wasn't making any of this up. Since I have been on sick leave, started to eat healthier and taking supplements/vitamins, I feel much better. I took conventional medication (steroids/planquanil/chemo) for 7 months until my liver decided to boycott. For now the progression of my illness seems to have stopped. It is a learning curve for me as to how to feel better overall. Less stress, less clutter, less worrying are part of my health plan. 😄