10 Months Later... XW Wants To Talk About Us?

[HPoirot]

Hello Train and everyone. I'm back to update with the latest sitch challenge...

After the "are you willing to talk about us" email exchange with my XW, I let myself fall into a low energy funk for a couple weeks...

What happened was, I didn't reply to her last email asking again to talk.

After a few days, I sent her an separate email saying, to help things go smoother going forward, I needed a legal agreement on who would pay what for S12's upcoming 6th grade school year and that XW agreed S12 would start 7th grade with me in Florida.

She suggested making S12s move to Florida with me a legal agreement back in April. I see I should have finalized that agreement back then. Not doing so was a mistake.

She replied she would get a notarized tuition schedule document that we could both sign together in person. She said she was uncomfortable signing a paper saying S12 would move with me to Florida.

A couple days later, she was back to sending me an email saying she was getting a D and wanted it done before I left for Florida. XW also sent emails upset again about me not responding to her emails. I did not respond to any of that.

She sent someone here to the condo serve me with D papers. I had the doorman turn him away.

So I did backslide on my PMA then. I stopped checking in here. I stopped working out. I ate badly and started in with the beer again. I felt down. Letting myself get sucked into her drama again was a drain, though not nearly as bad as it was before.

Last week I finally got up and started eating right. Making my protein shakes. Lost the 10 pounds I put on. Today I did my morning workout. Felt great. Got stuff done. Decided I would move to Florida in early November instead of late December to start building a new life for me and S12. Started thinking about the email to XW explaining my plan and school options I wanted her to consider for S12.

It was a good day.

Then, tonight, I see an email from XW titled...

"I can't believe you would leave this city and leave S12."

She now suggests I get another job here instead of keeping my job and moving to Florida. Urges me to reconsider moving to Florida even though she says she knows it would be hard for me to stay here considering our problems. Says, the more she thinks about it, the more she doesn't think S12 living with me in Florida is a good idea. Says that before she only "implied" S12 could move to Florida. Says it would not be an option to have him start school with me until the 8th grade and only if she and I are in a different place in our relationship. Again and as usual she wants to talk.

So I'm glad I got back on my feet these past few days. I need to be strong now and I am.

I was just telling my dad on the phone the other night that I was afraid that this might happen. Now I have to deal with it.

I have talked with S12 over the past few weeks about moving to Florida after this next school year. Just today he was saying, when we get there, he would like to learn to kiteboard and get a jet ski. That part I did well.

I realize I did not do well communicating with XW. Everyday I'm thinking of the email to send her detailing the nice neighborhoods and schools I am considering. I waited too long to do that and now I'm facing a possible court battle.

In her email she says she can't believe I'm leaving S12... using language like she has from the beginning to browbeat me into doing what she wants.

But, in her email from April, she basically laid out the plan how the move would work and why I'm leaving first and S12 later... instead of me and S12 leaving together this summer and him starting school in Florida this year, I agreed that it would be good for S12 to stay here from one last school year. I would leave at the end of this year and get settled in Florida. Then S12 would come at the end of his school year, spend next summer getting settled himself, and then start school.

So I have to reply. I don't want to go to court. I won't pay for tuition here and for a lawyer at the same time. I will homeschool him if I have to. And, whatever happens, I am moving.

So I'm thinking I try to keep it simple like I've been doing...

XW, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am taking my company's offer to move to Florida this year.

As you know, I agreed to not move last June with S12 like I asked you to so S12 could do 6th grade here. I agreed with you that another year here would be a positive transition to 7th grade in Florida.

Your (attached?) email from April lays out a good plan where I go to get settled in Florida so S12 has the best move and experience possible. If I could stay here until the end of 6th grade and still take advantage of my company's offer to pay for S12 and me to move then I certainly would.

I have also talked with Solomon over the past few weeks about living in Florida after 6th grade. We have sat together and looked at possible neighborhoods, parks where we could go mountain biking and camping, homes for sale with yards and pools and tennis courts and kids that go to school with his cousins. Today he told me he was excited to learn to kite surf and jet ski when we get there. Talk with him about it. I will do everything to make sure his life there is fun, outdoorsy, and special.

As for a home, I am considering 3 specific A+ family oriented neighborhoods like (best neighborhood in this area) in Broward county west of Fort Lauderdale. I will send you a list of the schools I have found there for you to consider including some A+ rated public schools. As you know, I need to arrange for S12 to visit the schools in the fall.

I will keep you up to date on anything else I find. Communicating with you about the move or anything else over email works best for me.

My goal is for S12 to have the best teenage years he can. I am asking for your help to do that. Thanks.

I admit, I'm afraid I will not be able to make a life in Florida with my son happen. I have found that negotiating and pointing out truths to XW is not a working strategy. She will say whatever and ignore whatever to get what she wants.

Pointing out what she wrote in April means nothing. Saying nicely that I am just moving on with my life with S12 and I do not want my family broken means nothing.

If I say I'm not paying tuition here or staying in this city, then again I am the evil selfish one who is ruining S12s life. Even though I have been a great dad and have loved my son through all this. I have kept him here more nights and I have paid more money while she threatens me with custody papers and cries every month about how she's afraid I won't pay tuition. (I told her I needed her to stop those tuition emails and she said she would.)

I did talk to a lawyer a couple months ago who told me "you want to move with your son? Just move now and take the issue to court to get your son down."

My dad and brothers say to move and force the issue. XW can't pay this tuition without me. I can homeschool S12.

I told XW that I needed an agreement about Florida before we moved ahead with 6th grade here. Next payment is next month on the 15th.

Part of me just wants to say... "XW, if that is your decision then I do not agree to S12 going to 6th grade here." I know if I don't want to go to court, I shouldn't mention court.

What do you think?