Well -- I did not write letters if there was a hostile or negative environment encircling us at the time. And a LOT of dust had settled before I started writing. There was for sure a time when it was not the right thing to do. I waited a long time before I did, and WHEN I did there was no:
- Asking her to come back - Begging a pleading - Blaming or guilt - Self pity
I just spoke about what I was learning about myself, my role in the demise of the marriage and, frankly, apoligized. That was it for the most part - maybe a few notes about what our son had been up to with me (all good). And the letters were by no means frequent. They did, however, help communicate when I was unable to. It wasn't like we were hanging out or anything.
I will say this, though - if you or anyone is in the thick of it and there if a lot of spew and bad will out there- don't write. Just don't. My guess is it really won't help much. If you are in a space where there is tranquility, a certain amount of peace from a distance -- think about it for a decent amount of time before you do it. And be willing for it to have no response or get any feedback. I surely didn't.
I chose to do it because by then, I had done a lot of work on myself and we were in a neutral place. We were both doing our own thing - but we were civil.
