how are you going? You have been in your new post for a while now and we haven't heard anything about it. Where are you? Where arroyo staying? How is the job? How are the people, the food, the weather ?
I sense an anxiety from your posts, and repeated posts. Not a frantic, panicked, re-actionary anxiety, but a deep anxiety that has been there for so long that it is the new norm for you and everything is coming from there. How to escape this, I can't tell you but you have been "better" than this. Remember?
From a non-DB, bystanders POV, you're H wanted D and filed. You were served and attended court. You have moved OS again. The rest is circumstantial, comments to-and-fro are just day-to-day rigmarole. His mixed signals are not surprising and don't reflect anything other than his own selfish agenda.
IF, IF your H truly changes his mind and wants to R - you are NOT going to miss it. He has to want it so much, and be so remorseful that if you flat out ignore his texts, he tries again and again and again. He calls you crying and begs for you.
That is probably not going to happen and/or work. You have gone past that I think. IF this were to happen I wager that immediately you will be so relieved that you fall into his arms and for a while think everything is OK again. In 6 months you will be free from this grief, you will be angry, renew your anger and being selfishly evaluating the M.
Look at the people here who have R'ed. Piecing back together the R is the hardest part.
For the sake of ANY, best future you have to let this M die. You can be friendly and open to R. But don't yearn for it. It won't help you now or later. It won't help your chances of getting R attempt or achieving it. Let the M die. Be friendly if you like. If romance springs from that friendship then so be it. Then before a NEW R can be formed from this new budding romance, all of this [censored] will need to be sorted, the reconciliation part.
Alternatively, IF he were to crack now and call you and convince you he is remorseful etc and wants to try R, can you really just jump straight back in? Honestly, laying in bed with him and his phone buzzes at midnight. You call the office but they haven't heard from him today. How much do you trust him now? How much do you trust his (vocalised) commitment? You though he was committed before didn't you? And look what he did? And he lied through teeth about it. Is he the person now that you have thought he was for 20 years?
My point is that in either case you are effectively starting from scratch again. I acknowledge for myself, that if I was in your shoes, and basically still begging for his return now I would be drowned by all these trust issues I mentioned. On top of that I would then have to deal with all of her flaws/role in the R that have to be addressed. I can see a possibility of 6 months in admitting - "I can't do this". Then I would be the WAS. I would be sorry that I tried so hard to get her back, only to end it again. Maybe this would be sweet revenge. Is this what you are after?
Are you sure you want a R with this man, or do you just want your old life back? Think carefully about this! And you can't while you are clinging to your old life. It would complicate things if your son was younger, but he is an adult now.
I ask again because I think it is important - Are you sure you want a R with this man, or do you just want your old life back?
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
