FIDO - Changing the Rules - Pt 3

[Train]

NH, as hard as I know it is (remember, many of us had to go through it, too), letting your W go - allowing OM to attempt to meet allllll her needs - is actually a cornerstone of A-busting.

Why? Because you are no longer applying pressure to your W. You're also no longer in her face, disgusting and repulsing her while she fantasizes about OM. Add to that this: Right now, you're the one dealing with the ugly parts of your W. OM doesn't get to see that or experience it or deal with it. And right now, your W looks at YOU - and OMW - as being what's standing in her way to complete happiness.

The quicker you can turn her loose to pursue whatever it is she's going to pursue with OM, the quicker the A will most likely end. And when it does, you're not standing there for her to blame. Because you will have released her and took all the pressure off a long time before.

Sometimes, it doesn't even require the A falling apart (as most naturally do). Sometimes, getting away and taking the pressure off is *all* a person - especially a woman - needs to startle him/her into reality. Your W does not fear losing you. So she knows she can treat you however she wants and you will still be there.

Get out of that triangle, as hard as it is. Then watch as things in this fantasy relationship start to unravel. When it hits bottom, your W will still remember you as strong and decent - someone who fought for her - and someone who had enough self-respect and strength to give her the freedom she wanted. Whether you're still there by the time she comes to this realization - and I firmly believe she WILL - is a risk she's taking by having an A.

Confidence and resolve. Honor and strength. Those things are so attractive in a man.

Supplication and being a whipping post? Not. at. all.

(And the others are absolutely right about the fact that you cannot control your W. If you could, she wouldn't be in an A in the first place, and your living with her would have stopped her from kissing OM the other day. Let go of that notion. It's a lie you're telling yourself.)