have I been making mistakes too long part3

[PigPen]

First step for me in this area was ... I took a weekend to myself, signed up for a motorcycle class. Met early, we did the written and riding portions that weekend. I went to DMV and got my Motorcycle licensee ... something I always wanted to do but allowed people to tell me no. This was for ME. Was seriously out of character ... doing something solely for yourself when you have made everyone else a priority is a very uncomfortable thing.
Later on ... I bought a Harley ... my Birthday present to myself. I will never forget it, once I signed the papers all the sales people and employees cranked up a Harley, rev'd em, honked horns, customers all clapped and applauded as I was welcomed into the family ... I had tears ... was up there for me because I finally broke free and was my own man ... first time in my life at 42 years old.

I am not saying go out and buy a bike, .... but I am saying you need to make some goals and list how you will get there. Remember .. these are about YOU ... things in your control. I had about 4 key areas I worked on .. little by little ... took a solid year but I really made some serious changes and improvements and continue to do so. The big picture of this is .. .your W needs to respect you but its impossible when you have lost that respect for yourself, that self esteem, mojo, all that you have slowly lost over the years ...doing what you just admitted "I let their actions dictate mine. I have spent much of my life trying to keep everyone around me happy at the expense of my mental health."

Get that Goal list going .. post it here so we can help you stay at it.

So many great points in there Cali. I'm just starting to see why this process of change is so long and how deep we have to go to make things stick. You're right, a year is just the beginning. We're not changing habits and behavioral patterns, but changing ourselves to the core.

That takes a lot of deep introspection, and then a some serious practice.

Thanks for writing all of that.

PP