Just have to ask. I don't know if you follow my situation or not.
I have given my W boundries maybe she saw them as ulitmatiums. Basically, no marriage with me as long as you have AP. You will have to leave the house if you are engaged with AP which she did.
So, boundries ignored, she files for D.
So, in this situation, what other boundry can I exert? My answer I suspect is nothing, just accept what it is and move on.
Correct?
Well I don't know enough about your sitch to answer fully, but in the example you gave, the boundary enforcement would be considered to be "successful," even though she initiated the action, since presumably you wouldn't have continued to live in an open marriage ANYWAY.
To me, that's the beauty of boundaries, or -- as I like to call them -- "My Boundaries of Personal Integrity." Only YOU know what they are, but they should be a very short list; your "dealbreakers," as it were . . . those things that you, as a person with your values, morals and ethics, simply CANNOT ABIDE.
And this is how it works, in practical application: If you decide that "I will not live in an open marriage," and you state that as a boundary to a cheating spouse, and if that drives them away from you, and toward the other person? Well, then that's THEIR CHOICE, and them cheating -- and staying with me -- wasn't an option for me anyway, based on my own authenticity and values, so what have I lost?
All I've lost in that instance is something that I could not have abided anyway.
"You must choose between her or me" is an ULTIMATUM. It's about THEM.
Boundaries should be about YOU -- "I will not live in an open marriage." It's then up to the other person to decide what to DO with that information you've now shared with them, lovingly and firmly.
