Thank you for checking in and very interesting view...
At BD, I told H that I am not willing to just give up on M and family we have. H's response was, that honestly he does not feel like it right now (bc he mentioned that even if not with this OW, he might mess up in the future with someone else) So I think H knows where I stand, even though we haven't had any R talk since (one week now)
You are right, H is very confused and upset. He looks miserable. He said with the guilt he feels, he can't continue life this way (double life) thus the confession. Even though I don't believe everything H says right now, I felt that part is genuine. So I am on the fence if he is trying to take advantage of both worlds, but unconsciously so maybe.
Because right now, the best to describe H is avoidance. He does not want to think about it. He seems to be drinking everyday too. I don't think he has really thought about the reality of splitting up. Even though he said he wants me and kids to stay at home bc we deserve it, we can't afford it financially if we really split. Is he going to get another job? then we need care for the kids during the day, how will he come up with the money to cover that expense on top of separate living expenses? H also said he will never do anything to hurt the kids, but how tearing apart this family would not hurt the kids?
So while he is avoiding everything, is it a good idea for me to bring up R talk?
Yes we have a difficult schedule. The time we have together just for us is after he gets off work, maybe 10 or 11pm half of the week, other half we usually spends all evenings together. He does what he loves to do, so as long as he makes most of the time we have together, I have learnt to live with it. H does ask his mom to babysit for us so that we can go out, maybe once a month or so.
During this weekend if he comes along, I am planning to be pleasant and friendly. I hope I can pull it off, being loving but not pursuing.
