Zelda - Baby One More Time

[Zelda09]

V, in your post you said that you believe WH feels close to me? What does that mean?


My triggers - triggers that pull me out of rational/conscious and into emotional/subconscious?

Looking at evidence he must have surely loved me. The things he built that took hours and weeks, that served only me. I've put all but what I need for work away. Purchasing new ones is out of the question, both for price and because they were made better than what I could have bought. And...I like seeing some evidence it wasn't all in my head.

Grinding beans for coffee in the morning. I remember his long legs around me in bed and I miss him so much. Him with his love handles and boxers, singing. I like my coffee, so that'll stick around. With every pot I make, it becomes more my domain and not his, so it'll just take time.

Places we'd go often, that I still meet people.

Photos, but they're all put away.

My house, my dog, my workplace. He was so thoroughly a part of every bit of my life. It's just hard not to see ghosts of him everywhere.

To remove every single thing that makes me think of him, I would have to run away as he's run away all his life. Erase all of my friends from FB, as he's done. Stop thinking and talking about him, and start from scratch, new furniture, new identiy, new place.

So instead, I am trying to create as many new memories in these places and around 'our' favorites as I can. To systematically make him less relevant, like V how you talk about pushing your STBX back.