I was referring to my wife being wayward, and It's not that I don't believe that it has happened, but I just have not seen it. Was your W wayward?
If you look at the thread by Mozza, there are links to several success stories of reconciliation. I also believe that a lot of people are impatient and could reconcile, but finally give up and lose hope before there is a chance for that. You can also read through the "Another Divorce Busted" forum.
Originally Posted By: Solo15
I do understand these things, but my heart is just clouded by the pain. I am trying to decide if I can accept the infidelity. I value honor, loyalty, courage, compassion, mercy, and love over anything in life. I loved my W for her character. She is not that person anymore, and I don't see any signs that she will return to the values she once had. I understand that years from now, the fog might lift, but I have been in so much pain and so unhappy for so long I'm not sure it's in my best interests to wait for her.
Here are my thoughts, for what they are worth.
I dont think theres ANY point in worrying about whether or not you can get over the infidelity and the betrayal and the pain right NOW. In my opinion, thats like worrying about what to make for dinner if the president were to decide to stop by your place. Since she's not interested in R right now, any energy you devote to worrying about whether you would take her back is wasted. If she decides she is interested in restoring the marriage in 3, 6, 12, whatever months, you and she will both be totally different people - so whats the point in making that decision now?
As for the timeline, Ive heard that in general, most affairs tend to flame out on their own in the course of 6-9 months once the initial lust wears off, and it's time to get down to the day to day dealings of life. Of course, each relationship is unique depending on many factors, but thats a generality. Not a single person here will advise you to sit on your hands for 9 months just to see if she comes back. In Cadet's welcome post, he reminds you that this time is a gift and to use it wisely. You should have a guidebook now as to the problems you contributed to in your marriage. Now is the time to work on them by working on YOU. You say youve been unhappy for a long time --- do you think that it was your wife's job to make you happy? I dont think so. Now is the time to FIGURE OUT what makes you happy and to start doing it.
In any case, my point is that right now, you are in a tremendously chaotic and emotional state. Dont make any decisions with long term ramifications while youre here. Take things as they come. Focus on detachment and GAL for now, and that will help you sart climbing back up the mountain.
