It still feels like she is bluffing me. Is that my mind playing tricks on me? Is that what codependancy is? The urge to call her and say come on - let's talk this through is SO STRONG.
I have not done that for months now hoping it would show her strength and resolve on my part and not be the doormat that I have been over the past few years.
I am so freaked right now guys, not kidding. This is the real deal and I am facing it, staring it down in the face.
I shut up and certainly lose or I say something and lose my self respect. Is my self respect worth losing my family over? Parts of me think "NO" that I would do anything to keep my family together. The realistic and detached part of me looks at the big picture and says "Being in a relationship that shows me disdain and no respect in not real" and will only lead to more pain.
I am not trying to wallow in this, but Jeez, the closer it gets, the HARDER it gets.
Trying to gain clarity and make the "right" decision. Is there even a "right" decision. Is that an illusion? Is the D just a piece of paper and it won't change anything? What on earth would be good about this D? I honestly don't see how anything will be changed by it, except the freedom from my tormet to just let it happen. Again, it circles back to acceptance even though I don't want this.
