Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

Duke,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this nightmare. This forum has been an incredible asset in navigating through it all. Thanks for the kind words. It is impossibly difficult to know how to move or breath or do anything in this. Looking at your kids ages, I can definitely see a similar pattern to my situation. You had 3 kids pretty close together. It's tough to make a M work well with all of that. Managing working and taking care of them and your W is an immense challenge and it takes a huge amount out of everyone. Especially when they are young. I really struggle with my situation because these should be the best years of our lives together as a family, but you are denied that through all this. I find it really tough to be with my lovely daughters because they are this reflection of my W and I, and all the years of love and hardwork that went into them. I hate to know what they will have to deal with because of her choices. When my W decided to do this, she didn't just cheat on me, but on them too. She crossed that line. We all sin, and in the grand scheme of things this has little impact, but this betrayal has pulled my family apart and shattered my life. She destroyed our most cherished and intimate connection, one we only shared with each other. And now it's gone forever. Thanks again for reaching out man. I'm here with you.

mutatio,
You have a kind heart. I can feel the pain in your post. I am so sorry that you went through this and are in such a tough place. Your words have a lot of wisdom, and I do need time to deal with my pain and get it under control. I took off of work today and am seeing my IC. Hopefully that will help me a little. I'm surrounding myself with friends and trying to laugh a bit, but the loss hits me in waves. I am numb and empty. It is a great blow, and one that I know is a permanent wound. It will scab over, but it's never going away. I would love to hear your advice in how you moved through this man. I need so much right now. I never prepared myself for it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to be here and support me. It is such a small thing, but to be able to come here and not feel so alone...I'm tearing up.

MrBond
Thanks for taking the time to post, and I am really happy for you that you reconciled. That is truly fantastic man. I was referring to my wife being wayward, and It's not that I don't believe that it has happened, but I just have not seen it. Was your W wayward? I have read DB 7 times now. I do understand these things, but my heart is just clouded by the pain. I am trying to decide if I can accept the infidelity. I value honor, loyalty, courage, compassion, mercy, and love over anything in life. I loved my W for her character. She is not that person anymore, and I don't see any signs that she will return to the values she once had. I understand that years from now, the fog might lift, but I have been in so much pain and so unhappy for so long I'm not sure it's in my best interests to wait for her.

Thanks again for everything guys, it means the world to me.