So sorry to hear this buddy. I think it is an indication that she knows better and knows she shouldn't be doing this, but is so conflicted that she can't stop. She is like an addict refusing to admit there is really a problem.
I really hope you can find some peace through all of this.
M: 36 yo W: 36 yo S: 7 D: 4 M: 13 yrs BD: 6/14 (??) PE Confirmed 7/15 (4 months) The road to recovery starts now