Lost & confused

[Clairee]

Had another MC session today. Talked about boundaries. It was really good. It took awhile, but with some therapist help H was finally able to fully understand my boundaries & what they really mean to me.

I think we've been fired by our MC though. At the end of the session he said he wished he could record us for his other couples. That we were truly a great couple & should never consider splitting up again. That what we have & how we are together is really amazing & we should hold on to it because we'll never find it again anywhere. He almost made me cry! H agreed with him & said he'd never do anything so stupid again that could cause me to leave him.

We still have so much work to do & while the MC might have fired us, we'll still be seeing him once a month instead of weekly. I'm still cautious, but hopeful. With my IC's help I've been able to let go of so much & move forward. And I'm working on my trust for H. He is trying hard to show me everyday I can trust him & that he knows the value of my trust & that doing anything to damage it again would never be repairable. So I'm giving him opportunities to show me. The big test will be when he leaves in October. I am making the choice to trust. I'm not entirely stupid, I've told him I am making this choice, but that doesn't mean blindly trusting. I will from time to time look at things. But honestly, I've not felt any inkling of suspicion & H has not been guarded about anything.

Baby steps. It's still too new to say we've made it to the other side of this black hole. But I can finally see light again. But we'll always be working on us, it will never be perfect. But it can be perfect for us. And that right now is what I hold on to.

Much love everyone!