LBS becomes the WS. The price of peace.

[asitis]

thanks for the book recommendations - i am almost up to needing a new book..

Zeus and I had an exchange about this - responding to ex W's request for R, how much of our response of NO - would be for our benefit, and how much for theirs.

i stand by my (possibly gutless) response - "i need time to consider a response". the best part is that stressing over what i might say has been laid to rest.

it's a win/win. non-evasive, noncommittal, not yes or no. i should be a politician

Absolutely. Nothing is a sure thing any more. I'm not the desperate puppy chasing after her. Trust has to be built on both sides. How she approaches & for what reasons do matter. Is it because she is lonely? OK, I will likely entertain a little doesn't change anything comfort. I still love & am attracted to the woman, and as long as there are no false expectations, then I can't imagine not taking the bonding opportunity and comfort that I did cherish even if it is just for a night or two. Is it because she is reeling from a failed R herself? Um, no. Work that out and then get back to me. Is it that she sincerely wants to invest herself and make a try at reconciliation? Unless I've committed to another, I'd proceed on a slow steady program with lots of groundrules and conditions (e.g., she keep up her IC, that if there had been OM there would be testing, that we start as friends and take it from there, that we at some point re-enter MC to work on the real R problems that will need to be addressed).

So, I think there can not be a one-sized-fits-all answer once you get to the stage where you realize that reconciliation will be a long process and only after that process has played out will either of us be able to make the decision to reunite.