hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

Hi JB, I certainly am worried about my kids with this - especially my daughter. I feel like I have to walk behind them to catch them when their mom drops them again. So enjoying the supermom as far as taking over tasks should relieve me a little, I am always on guard that either I am going to have to pick up pieces, or I am getting slammed by her.

The other day she was talking to D telling her to call S17 for a ride to and from her friends house (like I was unwilling or unable to do this) This angered me and I had to stop W from making these statements to the kids about me. I'm really not sure why she is making this up. I think that V had mentioned WW projecting her faults onto me. Maybe this is it again.

I did have a quick conversation with D15 today about making plans with me and her mom. Scheduling and communication is getting very complicated since I don't have contact with WW. I apologized to her for everything being so complicated and told her that I wasn't blaming her and it wasn't her fault. She said she understood.

Thank you for your kind words Jelly - I can use a friend.

[u-turn]

Thank you V.
I do see the her already not being able to keep up the supermom act - it is fading. I have been trying to watch from a distance without comment.

You called it though, she has switched to trying to villainize me to the kids (which I really don't think they are going for).

I feel she thinks the pet names are affectionate - I have never really been a pet name person - maybe she had done that when they were little, but now it is almost amusing and in my sarcastic mind I want to start using some comically bad pet names with the kids - but I do not want to throw them in the middle of it any more than they already are.

thanks for all of your support V.

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fortunately or unfortunately (you make the call) I inadvertently ran into some intel this weekend. When I was looking for some paper, I found a partially written letter to OM saying basically she no longer has feelings for him only hate and resentment.

The way it is written, it seems as though he is still pursuing him and she doesn't want it any more.

I don't know what the purpose of this letter was, it was written somewhere between three weeks ago and yesterday.

What does this mean to me? Not too much. It doesn't really change anything at this point.

It wasn't sent; it could have been planted for me to see (why would this be left out?); if it is real, it still means that OM is still a thing that she is still lying about. If it is a potential release of OM, it doesn't mean she wants to put things back together with me.

I though it was interesting though. but I'm not changing my current chosen path.

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I have a question for anyone that would want to comment: My parents are having a dinner for their 50th aniv. and have invited me and the kids, they know about our troubles and did not invite WW. I think they are trying to spare my feelings. I talked to them a little today and asked if they didn't want her there or if they are leaving it up to me. My mom said she could be civil if she came, but I'm not sure my dad can be nice.

I'm not sure if I should ask WW if she wants to go or not. Maybe she wouldn't even want to go as every one there knows about us. At first I thought that I don't want her there, but later was thinking that they have been her MIL/FIL for 21 years. I can be civil during this, but it may be uncomfortable. The kids would probably like us all to be there - though this is not going to happen any more.

If she did go, I would hope to direct all attention to the guests of honor and ignore everything else that day, but cannot guarantee everyone else will be on board with that.

I would probably be more comfortable if she wasn't there.

She likely will not have been served yet before the dinner.

Any thoughts about this?

Thanks for everyone's support

[SunnyB]

U, I just spent a little over three weeks with my in laws, including 10 days with STBX. We all had a great time together. I say that to show its possible. But, having said that, if it's your reality that you don't want her there, then don't invite her. I don't think you are under any obligation whatsoever to do so.

[JellyB]

Hi U thank for the post on my thread. 100% right on the phrase! Chat soon, Take care JellyB XXX

[u-turn]

Thanks Sunny, I'm not too sure what I'm going to do with this yet. It's not a huge issue - just another blip to deal with. Likely I not ask her to go, but inform her of it, tell her I'm going with the kids, and say that she can go too if she wants (I don't know what she will decide to do.)

We have been very strained lately, and I don't know if she will want to be around my parents (she knows that I have talked to them about our situation.)

I only want to add happiness to my parents party.

Thanks Sunny

[SunnyB]

U, this is tricky for all of us, we've never been in these situations before. I got a save the date card for d12's school fundraiser in November. I'd like to attend with STBX even though we are going to be smack in the middle of D proceedings. We'll see what happens...God bless us every one.

[u-turn]

Just journaling and updating - this is near the end of this thread and these threads seem to read like chapters in my life (lately each thread has been lasting about month or so)

The end of this chapter has me sitting in my L's office this afternoon signing the papers (decree and financial protection restraining order) to be submitted to the county court system tomorrow. She will be served in two to three weeks (this is longer than he originally stated). This time is going to be difficult for me - luckily I am busy, and generally well functioning these days.

I still do not know if I am going to tell WW that this is coming, and I have not worked up a script for the day when she gets served - I will likely want to give her a very short succinct "why" statement - but it is probably unnecessary at that point.

I am not going to tell the kids until after she is served.

I felt very ashamed of this when I left the L's office and headed home and wondered if I could face my kids - I did ok when I saw them - I am happy when I am around them (even with the ever-changing moods of a 15 year old girl ) .

I was planning dinner (just kfc tonight - with two jobs and the L meeting, that's what I could do) was heading out the door when WW came home - she questioned my decision to just get fast food for dinner, snatched the coupon out of my hand and stormed out to get it. OK - not a big deal here, but S17 saw all of that and when she left, he asked me "why the hell does she think you can't handle anything around here - you've been doing everything for us for years now - I am getting so tired of this". He sees the fleeting supermom act as just that - an act.

I went outside with him to talk so D15 didn't hear and told him that I hope all this didn't hurt him and I was worried about his sister. He said that she talked to him and she is angry too.

I thanked him for sharing this and this helped me cope with my feelings about the decisions I am making.

Onward - I recon the upcoming new chapter will be eventful.

Thanks everyone!

[ep0215]

U-turn - I am sorry you had to finally do that. I don't think you should feel ashamed of protecting yourself and your kids. As long as you are the best Dad you can be they will be okay. I am sure you will be on pins and needles until that day comes but try to stay busy. You have time to decided on what you will say. I am sure you will do what's right by you and your kids.

Now I want KFC for dinner, thanks for that

[Vanilla]

U

Three words 'cards' 'chest' 'close' 'to'

OK I lied, four words

There is still time for WW to get sharp, take the initiative and let her have no wriggle room. A sleazy L could get in first, I have seen it in court actions on cross claims.

Oh, and I always say, hugs with the kids, even the very big that's not what I want and don't embarrass me dad- type of kid.

I did say hugs? As in 'your dad could do with a hug right now' manoever

V

[SunnyB]

U, I think not telling your kids just yet is right on track, but not telling W and letting her be surprised just doesn't sit right with me. How does it make you feel? It very well may be the right choice for your sich, but do a gut check and then a head check. Both are important. Did you ask your L about it? Is that what he recommended? Again, it may be the right choice here, but what if you gave her notice the night before? Not enough time to do anything about it, but she still heard it from you first. Is that possible?