It was W week with kids but I showed up at 8AM at school to see them of on their big day. Kids were surprised to see me but in a good way. We all walked in together. W and I made small talk about schedules, drop offs, just kid related stuff.
When kids were walking into their classrooms, I said goodbye, I love you, kissed them and said bye to wife and then just walked away. I did not look back.
Another bitterswet moment that seems to be my life these days. Had coffee with a friend last night, another ME friend which is good. Tonight is my CODA meeting and I definately going. I am lucky that they have one at my place of employment. How lucy is that?
It still feels very raw for me and at the first day of school, it was just a strange sensation. At least it was for me. Does it EVER get any easier? I pray for that day to come when I am completely detached.
W is all smiles and happy, happy and happy. Me? Not so much, but said hello to everyone I knew, met some new people and introduced myself as solo me and here is my S10 and D6. I forced myself to smile at everyone too, fake as it felt, I did it. As I was not around W, I didn't have to introduce her.
Accepting reality is hard, but I can't deny it anymore. Sadly I am tied to W for the rest of my life because of kids. How I wish that was not so.
How I wish I could just leave this city, and get away from all of this mess. For obvious reasons, I won't be able to do that so here I will remain.
I can only imagine the roiling emotions you must have felt during the first day of the school run. Yeah, it does get easier with the passage of time. It took me a long, long time to be really detached from Ms. Wonka and not feel pangs of pain.
It is great to see that you're connecting with your own friends and making plans for yourself. That is the only way you can move forward.
Yeah, I can relate with the feeling of just dropping everything and get away from it all. We all have those moments from time to time. Even now, I tell myself this occasionally when I am overloaded with tons of responsibilities.
So sorry, Heavy, tough day for you. It's a dreary day here and it's hours till my divorce care support group, so I'm feeling pretty down myself. Lonely. Just very lonely. Wishing I could drop everything and go somewhere else, too. Want to trade places for a while?
Hang in there...
Hugs, Dif
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Funny - just as I was talking about surrender, my books "The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success" arrived in the mail today. Thanks V for the suggestion, I will start to read it tonight.
W texts me and asks if I wanted to talk to kids on the phone as it was their first day back. I did and they sounded great.
I find it strange that her bouts of "niceness" mixed in with the Divorce proeedings. It just feels like Yin and Yang to me. The good news is that I got to see and talk to my kiddos today!
