Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

Zues, respectfully... you're wrong on this. I am praying for her, but I don't think that's incompatible with detachment. If it is, then I choose prayer over detachment.

What she referred to today isn't anything she hasn't seen before, many times. Her question sort of came out of the blue and caught me off guard. The fact is, she doesn't live here now. So I don't think about whether the bible is open or shut - it was usually shut before because we typically read it together on the couch and replaced it on the stand. But now, I read it on the stand because I'm alone. Nothing more, nothing less.

For some reason, this unnerved her today. Not yesterday, not last week, not two months ago. If she sees it as more than the not big deal it is to me, am I supposed to react to whatever her issues are?

[Zues126]

Just sharing a momentary fantasy in which I imagined delivering that line...but then I let it go because I was releasing the desire to truth dart the WAS. Just a little cartoon bubble moment.

[DifRent]

Ah, now I see the cartoon bubble...

Zues, where are the links to your sitch? I try to catch up on everyone's posts here, but for some reason, my browser gives me trouble at times, and I get frustrated and log off. I'd like to know more about where you're coming from.

[MrBond]

You're analyzing things a bit too much. Keep the focus on you and what gives YOU spiritual peace of mind. Think of it as you're just giving her to God and go along with your own life.

[Zues126]

DifRent- if you left click on someone's name it pops open a box and you can "view posts". It shows all the posts they've made (unless deleted by a moderator). You can go back to the very beginning and page through. I've used this tool to learn more about a few people as well. Just wanted to share, but I'm happy to link a couple.

I linked two. If anyone reads my threads I'd hope they read the first two. The first thread was my first couple of months. I really didn't comprehend the reality of the situation. The second thread defined how that played out, woke me up, and what ultimately forced me to grow up fast so to speak. I've come a long ways in the last 10 months since then, I have further to go in the days ahead, but at least I'm happy right where I'm at, at least a lot of the time. Thanks D.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...945#Post2464945

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...553#Post2481553

[DifRent]

So many things I don't know about how this forum works. Thanks, Zues. I have a couple of long days at work, but I will read up on your threads for sure when I have the time. Thanks for the links.

I know I analyze things too much. It's not just her, though. It's EVERYTHING in my life. Always has been. Just how I am. Giving her to God is what I'm trying to do, but I can't help wondering how all that's going, especially when she comes home and spews all this stuff that sends me back into analytical thinking...

I find myself both dreading and welcoming this move into a new place. I know leaving here is what's best all around. It's hard to let go of what we had, but that's really all this house represents anymore - what we had, and what is no more. In a new place, I'll have a fresh perspective. Maybe it will be easier. I don't know. But I do know she won't just pop in unannounced and say things like what she said today.

So detachment? It has to be easier there. That's what I'm banking on.

[Wonka]

Diff,

Please know that we are not against your choice to pray. The problem as we see it here is that you're talking about it openly with W and telling her you're praying for her because, in not so many words, she's "lost" her way.

That is PRESSURE for a MLCer. I would STFU on this part and do things quietly away from W.

I hated, hated pressure and feeling like 1,000 eyeballs were fixed in my direction. Talk about being paranoid while I was in MLC. Jeez. That was unnecessary stressor for me nor for any MLCer.

[DifRent]

Hey Wonka, no... I didn't think anyone here was against my praying. But actually, I'm not talking to her about it at all. That's what was so weird about her comments yesterday - she brought it up out of the blue. All she saw was the open Bible (again, not really such a shocking thing here), and a bottle of holy water from my mom that I'd left (not conspicuously, mind you) on the dresser in my (once our) bedroom a few weeks ago. She's making assumptions about my praying for her, and she happens to be right. But I never called her a terrible sinner, or anything like that. She's the one who used those words. All I said, early on, is that what she has chosen to do is wrong, period.

If she's under pressure about all this, I just honestly don't think it's coming from me.

[MrBond]

Let it go. You're over-analyzing everything she's doing. If she does something you think is significant, make note of it and move on.

[DifRent]

Ok, need some advice... here's the first financial sticky point in our separation...

So, the ultimate plan is for her to buy me out of our real estate investment business. The issue is, the business isn't cash flowing to the point that this is possible right now. So our deal was that we'd lease our home (technically hers, but where we've lived all our relationship), and I'd live in one of our rental properties, one in which a tenant is living on a month to month lease, until the business can do so, hopefully within the year. At which point, I will build my own place.

Well, the tenant doesn't want to move. Nevermind that my W was supposed to talk to her about this a month ago so she could be prepared by the beginning of October, and is only just now bringing it up. She's a nice young woman, but on the day she signed the lease, my W was already deep enough in her emotional affair that she knew she had plans to leave me - once again, plans made that she didn't discuss with me.

So, she sent me a text tonight saying that the tenant will "let me know her decision" tomorrow, I guess leaving the decision in the tenant's hands.

I can't deny there's a certain hurt about the fact that she seems to care more for this tenant's well-being than mine, but I know... MLC. She doesn't care about me.

I have a say in how we manage our properties, and I could insist we evict, but I'd prefer not to. My inclination at this point is to be firm in this way: "Fine, but then the company buys me out, now. Or you do, personally."

Which she could. But it would be a hardship.

I don't want to be an ass, but all of this is because of her. All of it. The consequences should be hers to bear, right? I refuse to find a place and pay rent until I can build my own place when we have our own properties (my share is minority, but not insignificant). I agreed to be patient under certain conditions, and now she wants to change them.

I don't know... feeling a bit like I want to do and say all the wrong things tonight, but I'm refraining from saying anything. Any thoughts? I'd appreciate some feedback, thanks...