LBS becomes the WS. The price of peace.

[Pyrite]

As,

The one other thing that jumps out to me is including the kids in the calculus of when we are done waiting and give up.

Absolutely. I do however migrate between the extremes of sacrificing everything for the sake of the kids and looking out for ONLY my own interests. My position now, and the reality of what will likely happen I suppose is between these, but definitely skewed towards R for the kids sake, or at least trying to R.

It isn't clear whether you would still keep the possibility of R open to your W if she came and asked.

Although my journalling of late has largely been about how the M was crap, our R crap, my W flawed (possibly beyond repair) - if she came and asked I couldn't turn her down. I think it is a hangup for the LBS imagining what they will say in this case. I suspect it is yet another waste of time for us to be considering. IF the prospect of R is ever on the cards, I can't really imagine that it will be this straightforward. My W coming forward and saying "I'm done with OM. It was a mistake. Can we try to R?"

I imagine that our current adversarial R will soften, we might gradually become friends. She might stay to watch a movie with the kids. One day after many such encounters our hands will touch, I will grasp her fingers, eventually we might kiss, and then the hard work, as you describe, will begin.

At any rate, I suspect that WE will be in a different position than we are today anyway. And we won't feel the same way about anything.

So, worrying about what we might say, or do, I don't think this is helpful to anyone, apart from being "part of the process". I am sick of running around with this. I have decided, and I am satisfied to leave it at this: IF she ever does ask for R I will simply answer "I need time to consider my response".