It was fine. I just meant that she still uses the same method as she did in the past. She throws just enough into the conversation to set your mind spinning. You start wondering what she meant behind something she said.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Oh okay, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't appearing to still "be there" at her beck and call. It's important to me that she doesn't think I'll be there at her whim so I just wanted to know your opinion if you think that by breaking no contact when that bad feeling came over me if I inavertantly mae her think I was still pining over her. Do you think I screwed up in this respect Sandi?
Last edited by ItHurts; 08/18/1510:29 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I don't think so. The very fact that you were willing to break no contact shows that you're not hung up on her emotionally that you have to hide from her because you can't stand the pain of opening that wound. You reached out to her for your own reasons, accomplished checking in with her and made sure she was ok for your own peace of mind, and bowed back out again. I have former co-workers check in on me from time to time and I don't assume they're pining for me.
The real measure is your own detachment for you. Why does it matter anymore what she thinks? The stories she tells herself about you don't impact you anymore. You have to live with your own reality. Sounds like you have moved on for the most part, but of course some things take years or never fade completely. Best you can do is keep moving forward. Which you are doing. Good to hear from you ItHurts. Please stay in touch and let us know where you're at every few months.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks Zues! Hope things are well with you! Yes, I admit, I do still hope she will come back but it's not the same as those first few months where it seemed like in order to survive she had to. Now I've gotten used to my life as it is...not great...but not horrible either. I feel I get stronger every day I get through without her...but not a day goes by where I don't think of her and wonder if one day she will come back. I just don't obsess about it anymore. I mean I do still have bad days where I cry but I've gotten used to it. I let her think I've moved on...and don't get me wrong, I really have, but as you say things still linger...I mean 18 years is a long time to be with her. In any event I have a feeling she will be moving back home soon...based on my update info above. Until then, any chance we have of R is tiny. So I basically hope for it, but don't dwell on it...if that makes any sense.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Okay guys...an unexpected update. Just got a text from WAW. When she had stopped into my work last week my coworker mentioned to her that I had been sick and was out of work a couple days. Well just now about 20 minutes ago WAW texted and said... "I heard you were sick. Are you ok? Sorry if I'm bothering you. Just heard through the grapevine and wanted to check. Old habits are hard to break. I'll always worry about your health."
So how do I respond to this? Or do I even respond at all? Not sure why she's asking a week later...I believe she is back in Florida now as of earlier this week.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Okay I waited a couple hours and sent this reply...
Hey you, I am fine thanks! Thanks for your concern though but you really don't need to worry about me anymore LOL! Old habits are hard to break, but they can be broken girl! LOL! Hope you're well too, that your tires are inflated, and that you have a great weekend! See ya and thanks again!
She immediately replied with
"Ok LOL you have a great weekend too :-)"
I wanted to answer but then close the conversation right away so as not to invite another conversation. Hope I handled this correctly.
Last edited by ItHurts; 08/21/1507:47 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Just another update...or I should say an update I should've mentioned a month ago. I have been seeing a new lady. She was a girl I went to high school with. We had reconnected after my divorce last summer and we would hang out once every 10 days or so. Well we started hanging out more a few months ago and back in June, one night when we went out with some friends...she decided to push things beyond friendship between us. We became intimate and things are okay between us but we both are just letting things progress naturally to see where it leads us. Strange how this girl, who I couldn't possibly think of in a romantic way a few months ago...suddenly seems to be a romantic interest of mine. In any event, not totally relevant to my thread here but I figured I'd post it in case any newbies here, who are in those initial stages of the divorce shock...people in complete despair and hopelessness at the thought of life without WAW; can realize that no matter how hopeless your life seems now... no matter how devasted you are right now...it DOES get better and you DO get your power back though DB'ing and becoming a man only a fool would leave. And if you DO NOT contact your WAW at all, she WILL eventually contact you...guaranteed! You will eventually be in the driver's seat because you realize there IS life without WAW...and I can't even believe I am hearing myself say that when just a year ago when my sitch was new...I was actually thinking suicide...not that I could ever really kill myself but I did often wish I was dead just to escape the intense pain of loss after 18 years with WAW.
So if anything at all can be taken from my update here about my high school friend, it is that life goes on and you can be confident and happy again...and you will be. As Yoda says, "That is the way of things." DB'ing works... even if you DON'T save your marriage, you DO save yourself!
Hope these ramblings of mine help at least one desperately lost person here see some hope and I hope everyone is hanging in there.
I do welcome any thoughts regarding my recent WAW updates in this thread.
Last edited by ItHurts; 08/26/1502:01 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Thanks Zues! Yeah I am just trying to take things by ear with this, or any, new relationship. She's not my girlfriend or anything like that...we are just intimate now whereas before we weren't. But in the grand scheme of my life right now a realtionship isn't paramount...if it happens great, if not, that's fine too. I'm used to flyng solo now. But high school girl and I are still working things out and not sure it even will work out but after 18 years of devotion to WAW I am just playing this thing by ear and seeing where it goes...no rush to be in a relationship again even though I don't like being alone.
I still also have to accept the fact that part of me still hopes WAW comes back. I have this gut feeling she's going to try to one day soon based on recent updates I've posted here but I still have no clue how close I may be to that happening...or if my gut is even right in feeling that she will. I guess I'll always hope she comes back even though I am surviving on my own.
Last edited by ItHurts; 09/04/1506:05 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
