You are doing super well girlfriend. The reality is that it won't go away until it is done, once it is final, so as you too. I think it is like a nuclear bomb exploding inside of your heart.
It is only destruction and pain. There is nothing beautiful about, no grace, no charm, only hurt, pain and an ugly picture of the lost hope.
But then it comes the next few days that you have no other choice but pick yourself up and start the self work. That's when you look at yourself and see the value, the grace, the charm, kindness, strength, energy, beauty... really you start seeing how much is there and how great of a person you are.
And then something start changing inside of you, there are a lot of pain but that pain start transforming into the energy to rebuild your life.
You start thinking that you have been working and thinking about someone that may not deserve so much, you will find yourself letting go, detachment start happening for real and you feel lighter and kind of happier in a way.
You finally figure it out that your H will do whatever he wants or needs to do to find himself. That if and when he comes back, it will be then that you will think if this is still the R you want or not.
You are worry free and single. So, think about how many great things you can do...and live your life like there is no tomorrow.
I know you can do it, and one day we will meet somewhere and go from one pub to the next and have "the fun of the century".
