Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

Azzork, thanks for the response. Those are wise questions. A D would free me from the pain in some ways. It would enable me to gain control of my finances, my children's stability, and would allow me distance from this thing that has become only pain. I don't want it, lord only knows how much I want her back, but it's just not going to happen. I have not seen anyone here actually move through a WAW situation and have it turn around. I have to let go of my hope or I can't detach in the way I need to to set things right. Who knows...

Cadet, thanks. You are totally spot on. I have never hurt like this before. I've spent 6 years losing her, and it's all kind of accumulated in my heart. This was the breaking of the covenant. It was the final cut and it cuts the deepest. I'm sure I will find the strength to move through it and get back on the DB wagon, but right now I feel devastated.

Bless you HeavyD. Thank you so much for the kind words and wisdom. It does help knowing there is someone, but I hate that you are here. I have always tried to be the model of how a man treats a woman to them, and that's not going to change. I just have to do it alone now.

Thanks all for the comforting words and support.