I want us to R, but much more than that, and even without that, I want her to R with God, with or without me. I want her to know peace and live the life she's meant to live. For sure, I know that what she has now is a busy but hollow existence. And all I can do for her is pray.
What a beautiful statement Dif, what an absolutely beautiful sentiment. There is so much power in what you just wrote, both for you and for her.
There is so much more that you are doing for her than just praying though, you are being a rock. It may be "DB protocol" but who knows what powers beyond this board are directing you.
I was deep in meditation a few months back and had asked prior to sitting down what the purpose of this journey was for me. The sobriety, the individuation, the reconnection with true health and wellness. Where was it leading me?
The answer I got was not what I was expecting - it wasn't about me. It was about my W. This may not be detached but it came through my gut so I believe it. The download was that if I had fallen apart, if I had dived head first into drinking, drugs, and women, that my W would not have been free to do her own work as she would have been concerned about me.
From day 1, she's been shocked that I went to the light instead the darkness, but that day I heard that this wasn't about me, that the stronger I got the more she would actually pull away from me because she could - and more importantly needed to for her own growth. It was hard to hear but I was told that this was the deal I had made with her long ago in a time and space that I couldn't understand in my head.
Maybe this is the same deal you made with your W.
Big hug to you Dif,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
