She is becoming more unattractive to me. I do love her but I didn't fall for her looks. It was her character that was attractive. That is long gone. At this point im staying in this for the kids. They need me. She needs me but doesn't see it.
Don't fool yourself. Sure, you might feel that way now. Believe me, it doesn't last. Also, NO, she does NOT NEED you. And you don't need her. You are both perfectly capable adults that can carry on the rest of your lives w/o each other and be fine. A marriage should be two people who enhance each others lives and make them better. But each should be capable of being just fine with or w/o a partner.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
She is becoming more unattractive to me. I do love her but I didn't fall for her looks. It was her character that was attractive. That is long gone. At this point im staying in this for the kids. They need me. She needs me but doesn't see it.
Yeah ... This jumped the page with me too. Might want to look deep down internally, your W does not NEED you, this may be your fear speaking out.... Or possibly it's false control you believe you might have over her and this situation .... I would really sit down with this and think it out, where is that comment coming from?
That comment is coming from your fear; your fear of the unknown. It's OK, we've all been there. You have to keep strong here. Have you binned the booze? If not, why not? Remember those STFU smoothies? Get an order in now for some and some spew jackets. This is the time that you have to start getting off the ground and walking tall.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
You are all right. That comment is from fear. She does not need me and I know this. I just wish she did. What I really meant was that she needs me financially. But this isn't the case either. She would have to downgrade her lifestyle but she would be fine. The truth is im starting to looks at her differently. I know this is a roller coaster but lately I see only negatives when I look at her. I know this is not the way to be but until lately all I saw when I looked at her was her everything I want and cant have. I guess this is part of detaching. I still want my M to be reinvented or else I wouldn't still be on this site looking for support and answers. I am worried however that I may get so far detached that I wont find my way back. She is still my W and I love her and the family we have built together. Im just slowly letting go of the old M.
Last night was good. No relationship talks. Well, she did complain about the room she is sleeping in. She says that I wake her when im getting ready for work. I wanted to say, no one told you to live in that room and tough luck if you get woke up when im getting ready for work. I help my breath and said " I will try to be more quite in the mornings".
I decided to take my ring off for good this time. It was doing nothing but reminding me of my failure. I was still holding on to something that is gone. I think if things eventually work out, I will buy to new rings.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I am sleeping better and the bad dreams are less often. In fact I have not been dreaming of her much lately. This is awesome. I am not sure if I posted it earlier but I have very vivid dreams. This has been the case for my entire life. I still remember dreams I had as a child. They seem so real that when I wake up they carry on through my day. I will wake up angry due to an unpleasant dream. Most folks don't understand this but they truly effect my day.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
All standard stuff you're going through here. Why apologise for going to work and earning a crust? Typical WAS selfish behaviour. Best thing to do here is to just say nothing back. WAS's will try and trap you in to a fight to show that you're still 'wanting' them. Remember what sandi said - they need to feel loss.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Keep it up tdkmme your moving forward into the here and now.
You stated the fear of detaching from her so far and that you won't find your way back. The past is gone, it is only a thought. You are not the same person as you were back then. You are this man with these experiences. Live here as you are, accept it. Try to put the hurt down, grow and let the love flourish. The future you seek cannot be reached from the past.
I know all of you have said that this is like a roller coater so I must be on the high side today. A got the best nights sleep ive had in a while and feel great today. THanks you all for the support and advise.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
