Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

I don't know. The grief is so fully everything in my heart right now.

After she told me, I was quiet for a while. She pressed me to say something and I looked her in the eyes and said ILY.

While we were talking about stuff, my head was spinning, but I remembered everything I've learned here. I was restrained. I validated her. I told her that I want to be married to her. That I want our family to be together. I validated the pain she expressed about why she couldn't love me that way again. I owned my mistakes, but I was resolute in my desire to be with her.

She really wants everything to be ok, for us to be friends, for things to flow as they did. I am shattered, and I am not able to offer myself as her husband now. This is a classic wayward wife situation, and after reading everything that sandi has posted on the subject, my next step has to be complete withdraw, and letting her choices have consequences.

I am thankful for your advice, and I do know that I have to focus on being the best man I can. I would go down the road to forgiveness if she repented and wanted to work on the M. I am generally quick to forgive, but this time it's not in me. I see no hope now in R. She has given me none.

I will continue to think about if I am able to DB. The blow is fresh and it gutted me completely.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement and kindness. I need it bad today.