I think you missed my post to you, but I feel you are very upset with the standing still in your sitch.
In some ways I always felt like your situation has similarities to mine. My XH still cries to this day and says that he is very regretful for the choices he made. He says he made one mistake on top of the other and that his life is a mess and he feels very miserable.
With all said, he does not move towards rebuilding our M or even trying a new M with me. These are all words of sorrow for the wrong choices and where "his" life is at the moment.
There is no sign of how other people feel about it, it's is still all about himself.
Your W does the same, she sees the mess she did, she regrets the decisions, she even misses you a lot and the life she had before, but, and it is a big BUT, she is not willing to let go of the past and the many wounds she believes she has, and built something new.
Maybe it is fear, maybe it is selfishness, I don't know. I what I know, learned and have been learning is that sometimes we also need to be a little more selfish and let go on this torture.
I well know it is better said then done, because it hurts. But they need to taste what they are doing, and the best way is to detach and let them walk their own path.
You are doing the best you can do and to tell the truth I always think about having someone like you to share my days. A man that stand to all these adversities, is responsible with his children, keep the money flowing no matter how depressed he is, is willing to understand and learn how to be a better person, look at himself and admit he made mistakes and is capable of changing the way he deals with the outcome in the future... is a precious person.
At some point in life we have to direct the attention to ourselves and give some more value to whom we really are and demand that respect and value in our lives.
You are in a very delicate situation because you have the kids. By one hand you could ask your W to just give you some space and live her life, what maybe would give her some taste of reality and she would need to face her own choices.
By other hand you have the kids and it's important to have the mom presence there, she is good with and for them and you would be hurting their feelings if you disrupt the little interaction they have with her.
Really hard, I feel the same way sometimes. My XH still comes to the house because the boys. I need to swallow the bull frog and let go because at least my kids have a father sometimes.
I guess the only way she will see things a little different is when you start living your own life and she will be guessing what is going on with you. Once she knows she is loosing you, then maybe she will realize that you may be gone forever from her life.
How to do it? I don't know exactly. You are a very busy dad and now you are holding the horses by yourself. Time is limited and going on dates take a lot of time and energy. Besides the fact that before you start anything comes that feeling that you do not want to do this in the first place.
Maybe RD, it is time to review the sitch in a more calculated position. What is working, what doesn't. What are the cheeseless tunnels, what can be changed, how to get some different reaction from her, etc.
Would you like to start this process with us? I know your friends in this board are all getting the big D in their faces, so we may not be the right people to advise you of what will work, but storming some thoughts may give you some direction and some new ideas to make things move forward.
I am not so bad, been worse. And I still think about visiting you. I need to be careful with money, specially now, when it is all by myself and I have to pay some big tickets at tax return time next year.
RD, sweet, sweet RD, no matter how much disillusion you may feel right now, keep in mind that you are worthy of so much more in life. You are a good man that was cough up in a life situation. You surely didn't ask for your kidney problem, your wife's menopause, all the kids issues that emerge when they are growing up, keeping the business alive and growing.
It's a lot of pressure, and it is very easy to forget some details to make that romance burn the way it was burning when everyone was young. It is that trust that kept you going. Unfortunately, we come to learn that some people, like our partners, can't endure the tough times and they give up on us, M, family.
Keep your head up RD, because no matter how much pain you have now, it will be in the past soon enough and the future is in your hands to build. Like you always say to me, life will get better and you will be happy again.
I have been dealing with my pain, disillusions and the end of my M and I found you are right, I am full of life and a capable person to transform who I am and became who I want and like to be. You are still my inspiration for some much strength and I think about you often, like making dinner, buying school supplies, cleaning the garage, doing laundry.
It's amazing that I am doing all this and thinking about someone that shares the load of the hard work so far far away like Ireland. It makes me smile, it gives me hope, it makes me feel loved and cared for.
Keep moving forward no matter what comes at you RD, you will be happy tomorrow.
