LBS becomes the WS. The price of peace.

[Pyrite]

"solid" advice Cadet -pun intended for comic relief

[hotwheelsaust]

Very good advice Cadet. While I accept that sometimes the 1 month per year of marriage is a guideline only, it's still good basis to go by.

[RosaLinda]

I am not saying what I gather you think I am. In my OP I am commenting on the "guilt" I feel when contemplating pursuing another woman, now, 7 months after BD.

Just reading along, as always (I don't post much anymore) but felt compelled to comment: What makes you think this "attractive available" coworker would be interested in a married man, especially one who got the bomb and whose wife walked out just 7 months ago? And if she is, what does that tell you about her?

In Australia, you can file for divorce after you have lived apart for 12 months and proper arrangements have been made for your children. I truly think that would be the best "guilt assuager."

[Pyrite]

WHOA!!! slow down, this is getting out of hand. Nobody is interested in anyone! I only even know her last name from office emails. I dont know that she is available, and no one has even flirted slightly with anyone.

ALL I am saying is that as we walk through life married or not, there are people you find more attractive than others. It could be a movie star or singer for example. Attractive people whom you chat to politely usually remain just that, and only that.

As I said in OP, to support a PMA I entertain a future with happy times, and this will probably involve at some point another woman. I am pretty sure that this woman will be someone whom I find attractive, actually I guarantee that much.

[RosaLinda]

Sorry if I misunderstood you, I was basing my advice on your statements:

"Maybe 5 years ago and attractive woman entered my work place. I was a happily M man, so didn’t think twice about it. Even in later years when I wasn’t happily M, I was still M. In the past few months nothing has really changed in our R, however MY attitude has."

"I have found myself, “telling” myself, even forcefully at times, that I am “allowed” to perceive this attractive woman as a potential R prospect. Now, 6 months post –appocolypse, I am remarkably detached and “over” my M blowing up and grieving for my W."

"I honestly believe that my W was not looking for it. She was confronted with the same dilemma I am in that moment when I feel guilty. I feel “guilty” for even considering a R with OW. This consideration is prompted from a different place. She is not pursuing me, but it is “available”."

Undoubtedly you WILL find yourself in a happy relationship with some attractive woman some day in the future. The work you're doing on yourself DBing will make you an equally attractive man.

I shall go back to silently reading along LOL

[Zues126]

Hey Rosa, keep posting, I like reading what you wrote.

Py, I'm with you. In my early threads I talked about how for YEARS every time I longed for the 'greener grass' of being single I would lecture myself on why I was to stay M forever. After BD it took a long time for me to say 'hey, I don't need to lecture myself anymore. I didn't abandon my M for this, but now that she BD'd me I'm not going to deny myself the only grass I have left!'

All this talk about green grass is making me want to play some pink floyd...

[Pyrite]

fair enough - by available i dont mean "in the market" - i dont even know. i mean maybe "symbolically potential".

I hope I do find a lady though, sooner rather than later - i can't plait my d's hair for nuts

please dont go quiet on us Linda

[Pyrite]

i need a dirty woman, i need a dirty girl ..... (Pink Floyd song everyone - I dont need anymore whacking' tonight. It's bedtime here. Good night DBers)

[Pyrite]

HWA - bit further south - al to further actually, but compared to the US, we're neighbours.

[RosaLinda]

see ya on the dark side of the moon Pyrite! Hope you have a peaceful restful night!