Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

Yeah PP, the tough part is knowing that it has to run its course, that it has to get worse - at least for her - before it gets better. One thing I'm learning right now from my own end of things is that the pain I'm suffering has forced me to become even more humble and firm in my faith, which isn't extraordinary, by the way, but is leading me to a richer and deeper prayer practice, to genuine growth, and eventually a more meaningful life. We are shaped in the valleys, not on the mountaintops. I want to make all this go away, but I also don't want to skim the surface of a superficial life, and if I really look at our relationship in retrospect, as good and strong as it was, it could have certainly been better. Wake up call...

As for my W, I see how things are piling up for her - the guilt over what she's done that she tries to suppress but she just can't shake, bending over backwards to please the OW and convince herself she's the one, this month of moving into one house and renovating another in the projects, all kinds of complicated closings for her business this month but no solid leads on the horizon, the self-imposed pressure she has to be successful and make money, money, money - she insists over and over again how much she loves it, and I think she doth protest too much.

She's skating on the surface and has lost touch with the woman she was in Afghanistan, the one who wanted to come home to build a successful business with me, yes, but only so that it could support a SIMPLE life for us, rooted in faith and following God's will. She's trying to force a certain result she thinks will bring her peace in a very stressful way. It just won't work.

And so watching her deal with all this is hard, because of course I want to save her from all this - save the woman I love, anyway, not the monster I don't. I pray she doesn't have a stroke, but I also know that it's the pressure and the challenges and the difficulties that are what will eventually bring her to her knees. I want us to R, but much more than that, and even without that, I want her to R with God, with or without me. I want her to know peace and live the life she's meant to live. For sure, I know that what she has now is a busy but hollow existence. And all I can do for her is pray.