Hi - good to have an update You might google character trap - there is a guy writing about malignant divorce, and what he says about character traps is interesting. There is another therapist who talks about character disorder. They use these terms in part because they avoid the problems of diagnosis of personality disorder and also point up that this comes on, rather than being a long standing personality disorder.
Some of spouses here have displayed long term problems, others were committed and loving spouses for many years.
I do know what you mean about the sense of having wasted a big chunk of our lives on someone who turned out not to have been worth it.
My gut feeling has always been that the showier the marriage the more is being hidden - simple and happy weddings always seem the nicest.
