I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that your interaction with WAH didn't hurt anything. The bad news is that's because the relationship has ended and you can't hurt a dead body.

The real problem is that you are continually evaluating everything through the lens of whether or not you will be in an R with this man. If you can convince yourself you're "being a good DB'er" you're happy, not because you're growing, but because you think you're on some road to reconciliation. When you do something you consider a backslide you freak out because you think you ended things. When it's unclear you're anxious as heck because you don't see evidence that you're on track towards recovery.

Fighting for your R is an excuse to keep clinging and controlling. Pretending not to be angry is an attempt to convince him you've changed to try to get what you want, further control. "Doing the wrong thing" is all about trying to use 'push/pull' dynamics to lure him back. 100% of what you're focused on is him, and the only time you're talking about you is in the context of how it might influence him and your "relationship" which doesn't exist.

I don't like the fact you're in pain. I hope things get worse for you and you hit rock bottom and make some changes soon, so you don't live the rest of your life basing your happiness on attempting to control an abusive ex-partner.

Last edited by Zues126; 08/18/15 04:28 AM.
Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15