Back with an update

[AntoniaB]

kml interesting that you should say the website is her handiwork, because you are right--it's not that he has no influence, but I have taught writing for over 20 years and the writing on that site is definitely not his in style or correctness. It's more like his ideas and someone else's translation of them. Her name is also first everywhere. (it will be her first marriage). But I agree. The fact that a 50 something is going along with the kind of stuff that a 20something does is really tragic. I don't know if I'll ever marry again, but that last thing I'd ever do is ask people for handouts at my age :-)

NLW thanks as well for your perspective. It's very hard to look at that big a chunk of hours spent in one's life and find much meaning. I have a few friends who have said "I have nothing to show for all those years but my kids" and I don't have kids. I don't think I made a wrong decision there, but when you don't have a physical being in front of you to say "well at least I produced this child" it becomes more difficult to "show" something for all those years. And I've published a lot, but that is all since he's gone. The only thing I can really say is that the way I was duped/taken for a ride/naïve has proven to give me a lot of fodder for what I write or teach today, and my hope is (if you can forgive sounding cliché) that I can save just a few women from getting into relationships with narcissistic men who appear to be wonderful when they are something else entirely.

And I agree I feel humiliated too. But someone here years ago used to say that we do the best with what we have at a the time and not to try to beat ourselves up over it. I guess I need to keep that in mind.