PigPen, first of all, CONGRATS on the TED talk possibility! How awesome is that? I have to admit, the first thing that ran through my mind was, "PP's wife doesn't find this even mildly impressive? If I had that kind of opportunity, my W would probably consider coming back to me, because she'd be so impressed and proud. These kinds of things turn her on. But if that's the reason she'd come back to me, would I want her to come back to me?"
Of course not... sigh.
Anyway, being open to things that don't make sense to you... doesn't this whole DBing thing sort of put us in that place all the time? It's not really about believing such things so much as it is about being open to them, and validating that your W believes them (even things like your dog who eats poop being spiritual). I can see where your W is coming from based on how you reacted to her reactions following the miscarriage, and more importantly, so can you. So I think it's just about listening without judgment, and being there for her when she wants to talk. You don't have to "believe" the things she says necessarily, especially where there is so much turmoil and broken trust and you're headed for a divorce. But you can refrain from defending your own POV and just listening with an open and curious mind. Harville Hendrix is really good at explaining how to do this with our spouses using the Imago dialogue. If you're not familiar, you might want to look him up.
Hugs, and hang in there!
Dif
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
