FIDO - Changing the Rules - Pt 3

[Train]

And that ^^^ is the cycle that YOU need to break. She has demonstrated repeatedly that she won't.

NH, look: I've said the very same things each time I've (yes, sporadically) posted on your thread. (You're getting stellar advice, and there's absolutely NOTHING I can add to what Starsky and sandi and Wonka have also repeatedly said, so just count me as a permanent, consistent x2 to everything they post.)

But this: I think she'd just see it as further victimization...that I messed up her life and then just washed my hands and walked away...

Buddy, when are you going to see - like we all do - that this is your FEAR talking? Who gives a flying f--- what SHE is going to think of you walking away??? Why do you CARE what she's going to think?? WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?

I'm beating my head against a wall over here!

If you wanna rap hypotheticals and devil's advocate questions, here's one: If you move out and your W plays the victim and accuses you of giving up, so FREAKING what? What does that do to you? How do you see it hurting you? Are you THAT afraid of losing a disrespectful W who figuratively spits in your face and castrates you on almost a daily basis?

NH, I'm a woman. And I can tell you - hands-down, with no hesitation - your. W. is. playing. you. It is working. She has no interest right now in working on your M. And until she respects you again, she *won't* have that interest.

Yes, if I were your W, I would throw an absolute hissy fit if you walked out the door. My security blanket would have been pulled out from under me. My Plan B. My whipping post that I get to manipulate into staying around for comfort and financial security while I kiss "the man of my dreams" at work. (Fact is: you should have walked the moment she told you THAT, but because you've let her walk all over your stated boundaries, she knew she could tell you and somehow you'd make excuses for her.) She'll accuse you of everything under the sun to get you to do what SHE wants you to do. But underneath all that, NH, there's a seed of respect that WILL be planted the moment you say: "Enough" - and MEAN it. And walk. out. that. door. No talking. No reasoning. No questions. No explanations. No requests for answers or clarifications. No grand pronouncements. Just WALK.

I'm not saying to walk out of your M. I'm saying to walk out of your house. From where I sit, it is literally the only option you have right now *to* possibly save your M. And if walking out of your house leads to the end of your M, you are *well* equipped to take care of yourself, and something tells me you'll have *plenty* of options down the road. (And some dignity and self-respect intact.)

I know it sounds like I'm being harsh, but my heart is hurting for you. And I see you're standing in your own way.

If you want your M to be saved, you have to save yourself first. The plane's going down. You can't save anyone else until you put the oxygen mask on yourself. If you don't care if your M is saved, then what the holy hell are you waiting for, brother?