When and if your W ever comes back to 'that table' .. the one where she says she will do anything .. you will have a list of non-negotiables ... not out of punishment .. but from a place of strength. Till then ... its really up to you ... you have some serious work to do for yourself right now regardless if you save the M, or you apply it to the next relationship .. either way you will be better off if you continue the mirror work now.
Great post and again, I agree with everything you say. I wasn't meaning to imply that my deadline for filing is dependent on WW. Right now, I'm not ready. In a few months, maybe I will be, maybe I won't. Guess I shouldn't even bother setting arbitrary deadlines that are months away, since I don't even know how I'll feel in a day or two, let alone next year.
About the dating, I know what you mean. I actually went on a single date with a very nice lady, but I just couldn't enjoy it. I was talking with a 2nd woman, but called that off immediately since I knew I was nowhere near ready. Some days I feel like I want to date, then others I realize I'm not even close. I guess that's as good an indicator as anything. When I reach a point where I consistently feel like I want to date, then it will be time to file. It may be a month, it may be a year. I'll know when I get there.
Also agree about my W needing some serious work on herself. No idea when or if she will reach that conclusion, but as you said, it has to be one of the non-negotiables. I truly don't believe she is capable of maintaining any long term R with anyone in her current mental state.
So point taken. I need to turn the lens back on me, and just keep improving myself. I feel like I've made a lot of good changes, but am sure I have a lot more work to do. Thanks for the encouragement.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
