I also worry about her really sticking it to me if it comes to a divorce. I'm getting way to far ahead of myself. That's just what was in my mind at the moment.
I wouldn't worry too much about D right now, but it's probably a good idea to at least have an initial consultation with an attorney of your choosing. I wouldn't tell your W about it, just do it, and get some information. It can be scary stuff but better to know and be prepared about the process than get blindsided later. There may be things that you should be doing now to protect yourself, and much better to get a plan in place before it's too late.
All that being said, you may be months or years away from D, or it may never happen. My WW was all for it, and we both saw an attorney just a few weeks after BD. I asked her point blank if that's what she really wanted. Without even hesitating, her answer was a solid "Yes". Since then, it's been another 3 months and no more talk about D from either of us. I've decided I'm holding off for now, but I am keeping detailed logs of time that each of us spends with the kids, just to protect myself in a custody battle. I think that we are both waiting for the other person to pull the trigger. It's hard to say; I know my W is strapped for money and if she had the cash right now, would prob go ahead and file. I'll eventually reach a breaking point myself some time next year and do it regardless.
But my point is to not get ahead of yourself. Take precautions but don't sit around stressing about what might happen.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
how much does it cost to see an attorney. She has access to our account and will see if I spend money on an attorney. However I do want to find out what im in for.
As you know we have 3 kids, all in private school which is extremely expensive right at 24,000 a year and that's not counting any extra stuff they may want to be involved with at the school. I would be happy to pay for this but I cant afford mush more than that.
She wants to keep the house. I have heard horror stories about guys who just get raked over the coals when it comes to this. she cant afford the house unless she is planning to hit me up for that too. can they take everything?
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
You typically can get a few to meet with you just to consult ... them selling themselves to earn your business.
As far as filing and beating her to the punch ... for what? Do you want to D? If not .. typically we urge the LBH to just DB and do his thing, do not make any of this easier for her, she could very well say "Well you filed so I must have been right, this is what you wanted all along" .... see how she can flip this into being all YOUR idea?
When and if it comes to the house/kids ... you Lawyer up and let them fight it out ... all while being Joe Cool and PMA all over the place like there is not a care in the world ...with the attitude of 'you did not ask for this, it will not break you ... you are going to be just fine regardless'
Is it normal to have days where you really don't care what the W does or doesn't do. This afternoon I started thinking of her in a negative way. I was imagining myself with someone who accepts me for who I am and who appreciates the man I am. I have no one in mind, but I have been carrying the guilt of this being all my fault that somehow I have her pictured as some kind of perfect person.
At the moment I'm feeling like maybe I'm better without her. I'm have not been the husband I should have been but she has not been the W she should have been.
I just don't care right now. I'll probably feel different tomorrow. But right now I don't want to even see her face.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Is it normal to have days where you really don't care what the W does or doesn't do. This afternoon I started thinking of her in a negative way. I was imagining myself with someone who accepts me for who I am and who appreciates the man I am. I have no one in mind, but I have been carrying the guilt of this being all my fault that somehow I have her pictured as some kind of perfect person.
At the moment I'm feeling like maybe I'm better without her. I'm have not been the husband I should have been but she has not been the W she should have been.
I just don't care right now. I'll probably feel different tomorrow. But right now I don't want to even see her face.
That's perfectly normal and part of the roller coaster. It probably feels like a relief for a change, compared to the feelings of hurt, despair and loneliness. I actually appreciate getting angry sometimes. Unfortunately, it won't last and by tomorrow, or maybe even a few hours from now, you'll prob be back to the usual. Just ride it out, and enjoy whatever measure of temporary relief you might feel.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
She wants to keep the house. I have heard horror stories about guys who just get raked over the coals when it comes to this. she cant afford the house unless she is planning to hit me up for that too. can they take everything?
Most attorneys will give you about an hour for free on a first consultation. That's enough time to give them your basic info and get a feel for how the process works. I would recommend going to at least 2-3 different ones and see who you feel most comfortable with. Don't forget to ask about billable rate - it can vary substantially. Also get advice on anything you should be doing now to protect yourself, your kids, and your assets. Make sure you don't tell your W about any of it.
I've also heard of men who get totally taken in a D. That's why you need to take action now to start protecting yourself. If you're well prepared, you should do just fine. The courts tend to be fair and divide everything pretty much down the middle, but you need to be careful. Don't do anything that would help her case against you, especially in terms of child custody. I suggest you come up with specific questions beforehand that you can ask when you meet with an attorney. Focus on the big issues, such as children, spousal support, living arrangements.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Is it normal to have days where you really don't care what the W does or doesn't do. This afternoon I started thinking of her in a negative way. I was imagining myself with someone who accepts me for who I am and who appreciates the man I am. I have no one in mind, but I have been carrying the guilt of this being all my fault that somehow I have her pictured as some kind of perfect person.
At the moment I'm feeling like maybe I'm better without her. I'm have not been the husband I should have been but she has not been the W she should have been.
I just don't care right now. I'll probably feel different tomorrow. But right now I don't want to even see her face.
Totally normal ... and if you can, use that anger (that's what it truly is) in a healthy way and let it allow you to detach more.
In Georgia you looking at about $200 an hour for a decent L. Retainer will be between $2,000 and $3,000. If it goes to trial you could be looking at $10,000.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
She is becoming more unattractive to me. I do love her but I didn't fall for her looks. It was her character that was attractive. That is long gone. At this point im staying in this for the kids. They need me. She needs me but doesn't see it.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
