Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

So, I called her back just now. Stayed detached and fairly quiet while she talked for about 20 minutes - her asking about the family, the boys, when is S18 getting his license - and worrying from the video she saw online about whether he is gaining weight, when can we move S20 to his own car insurance, does my mom know everything yet about us not being together, called me "hon," told me about her crazy transaction today, asked whether or not we need to get a quick pass for the toll roads around here... she sounded down, soft spoken, exhausted actually. Not like her at all.

And then, this amused me (as I read elsewhere on the boards today about the confusion our spouses sow): I got this lament about how she's just not "financially in the position right now" to do the things she's "always done to take care" of us (spoken not long after I explained a very smart way our sons are taking care of themselves financially), and "we" need to be saving money as much as possible...

...and by the way, did I need anything?

I said, "Like what?"

She said, "Do you need money for groceries? How much is in our joint household expense account?"

I told her not to worry about it, but she continued to insist upon worrying about it, just moments after telling me she can't financially "support us" anymore, and went ahead and made a deposit anyway while we were on the phone. I couldn't help but laugh, but I did so silently.

Did she do this because she feels guilty? Because doing this sort of thing maintains some sort of connection? Is it a caretaking thing she can't quite let go of yet?

Who knows. Midlife crisis.

There was a lot of silence on the phone, like she didn't want to hang up. But I finally said, "Well, I appreciate the call and your checking in and everything. I hope you have a peaceful evening, talk to you later."

Could've gone worse. But I don't know what any of it meant. The journey continues...