Reading along ... I just wanted to chime in a bit here.
The 4OM thing, and the questions you have about " I really wonder if there is any chance we could ever be a complete family again" ... honestly no way do you have a chance at that until your W takes a step back and really decides to do some serious work. She is looking for a fix to her pain, not finding it with the OM's so she continues to cycle on to the 'next guy' and the rush a new A brings.... once she figures out this is an internal struggle is futile, only then will she have a chance to break out of this. YOU can do little to help her with this .. her journey and she has to figure it out on her own ... what you can do is become a better stronger man and set your personal boundaries on what you will/will not accept ... not only from her, but from anyone, Not to punish ... but something you most likely should have done YEARS ago. Keep in mind, when you do get to this point, set the boundary once and hold to it .. she will test it and you .. you must hold firm here and show her you are not going to give an inch. Remember Strength is attractive... Push-overs are not.
Second point ... you said:
Quote:
I go back and forth every day lately about how long I need to hold out before filing. I had initially set a deadline of next April but I don't know if I can wait that long. Right now, think I'm leaning more towards late January, and see if there are any indications of regret or change.
You are basing your decisions on her actions ... you are not living YOUR life here with this mindset. Do you think W thought about what you might/might not do when she moved in with OM? Nope .... she fired you ... if you are waiting around and holding your breathe for her to show remorse .. you will turn purple and die. As far as filing for D .... dating .... all that stuff. I was there too, decided I was going to date just to get some mojo back, put myself out there. Went out a couple times, had a blast and could have easily pursued a relationship with a couple gals .... thing was, my heart was not in it ... was fun but not what I wanted. So I decided ... my life really was no different with or without W, I was not ready and till I felt I was .. no reason to file D for me. I gave her the $$ I felt was fair (Far more than what the state would ask) and I continued to work on myself. I got to a place where I did not want W back, not the W who was making my life hell .... nor did I really want the W who I had pre BD ... I deserved better. But I had to really change, become more secure and sit down and decide what I wanted for this next chapter of my life. I really dove into working on me and detached from W, she felt this in a big way.
When and if your W ever comes back to 'that table' .. the one where she says she will do anything .. you will have a list of non-negotiables ... not out of punishment .. but from a place of strength. Till then ... its really up to you ... you have some serious work to do for yourself right now regardless if you save the M, or you apply it to the next relationship .. either way you will be better off if you continue the mirror work now.
