A few months ago as I stated in a previous post I found out my wife was flirting and sending sexy photos to a guy at the gym. What I did confirm was an EA but can't a PA
I never told pleaded nor begged but told her to leave and every backslide ended in me threatening to sell the house or asking her to leave.
After a few rollercoaster weeks we have evened out and theoretically trying to make it a go.
Yes, since the initial Tsunami and after shocks things have quietened down, I have began to look at myself, change some bad habits and relationship wise things have improved superficially.
I read that abandoning the bedroom was a NO-NO so one night I got back into bed un-anounced to which she reacted badly the following morning. After a few talks I told her I was there to stay and the following morning she moved my things from the bathroom I was sharing with S22 to the master bathroom.
Small baby steps improvements I have noticed besides the previous one are giving me a peck on the lips when I left for a trip a week ago (never did it again, if our bodies come into contact at some point she doesn't pull away so we don't touch, she starts small talk and sometimes we share the joke, she initiates whatsapp messages and sometimes uses icons (never a heart, kiss or similar), we have been on a couple of trips and sort of messed around but not in a romantic loving way (sort of carrying out a house duty), she counts on me to help her, she spends less time with her friend (like sunday mornings when they used to always go for a walk to the market) and she has also avoided lately a new gym she started though she will start going but previously she NEVER would have missed it. During the trips she found out I was interested in moving country and had the opportunity and even thought (still thinks) about coming but not sure as she leaves current country. She also did a few selfies with me and let people take photos of us together (before she would never have done that). During a recent conversation discussing me moving and possibly coming I asked how the change and she admitted that last month she didnt want to talk to me. When we sleep together I sometimes hold her and she doesnt move away.
With all this in mind she never initiates any physical contact with me whether it be to hold my hand, come closer in bed, a hug, kiss, not to mention NO sex.
My doubt is if this is a healing process that needs time and for me continue like until now, do I become more distant or remain close with contact but not pamper. Is she playing me because she has no job (company closed 2 years ago and she claims to be struggling with being unemployed and feeling useless and doesnt want to be maintained)and is dependent on me so does minimum necessary for appearances?, I have looked after myself and done a little GAL and she has on ocassions hinted I have an OW (do i play on this to make her feel I am moving on and if she wants me she will have to make a decision? or is this bullying?
I have spoken to some female friends but they say that if they were to give a chance they would have initiated contact long ago and do not understand her distancing herself.
I really do not know what to do, I want this to work but have the feeling sometimes that this is as far as it will go... as room mates...the ILYBNILWY situation.
Any help would be appreciated.
My main posts are in the newcomers sections (don't know how to copy paste link - new here)
If there were more contact even non sex I would feel more secure about our relationship.
