Back with an update

[AntoniaB]

No. I'm honestly so jaded I am single by choice unless I meet someone by chance/circumstance who has honor and integrity. And my being jaded doesn't have to do with my XH but with the quality of guys I've met since the D, and I've met them online, chance meetings in nice places, in the workplace, or by friend intro. I did online dating for over a year with a few websites and that was demoralizing at worst/annoying at best and I found it made my life stressful, so I stopped doing it. I have been approached by 3 different male friends over the years and two have attempted to make me a sort of internet/online/email affair partner and the third, a hookup/friends with benefits partner, because they say they lack certain things in their relationships and they want those things from me in secret. Two are married men and one is in a LTR. I have broken off those friendships entirely.

Once in awhile I feel lonely for a mate, but the majority of the time I'm happier being single than dealing with all these people who lack integrity. I know there are guys out there with integrity, but all the ones I come across are happily married :-)

I'm not at all resistant to dating someone, but with effort and without effort, there have been no viable options yet other than one guy I met online; I wasn't ready and I rejected him. He is a good man--but after I said I didn't want to date, he met someone else, and he's been with her since and he is so happy with her. Turns out he wanted kids (he never told me that) and she has 2 from a previous marriage and he gets to be their "dad" in a way, so I'm happy for him.

I have changed for the better--I'm way closer to family now (and friends) and have widened my world to include a lot of people instead of just a spouse as I did before. I just turned in my 3rd book for publication. I teach about women's empowerment now in a gender studies course which I never did before. I am a real writer now and I was barely that before. My father is suffering with a lot of illnesses now and I'm helping my family out and I know that before I was not one who would go out of my way to help. LOL maybe all my xh's empathy in the past transferred to me in the present ;-)

I'm an actual role model for my students now. Before I was talking the talk but not walking the walk at home as a feminist, but now I certainly am :-) So yeah I'm quite different.