Well, I took some time over the past month to take a break from the forums, do some reading, some intense IC, start on some medication (the jury is still out on if I need this or not, but I'm giving it a try).
Overall, I'm doing very well. There are ups and downs, but the lows aren't near what they were even a month ago. I can't imagine going back to how I felt...curled up in a ball, sick to my stomach all the time, crying at random times, sitting in my car at work just to get away and sulk...it's all just very even keel right now.
I've reached a point where I'm ok with just about any outcome. My W and I are talking pretty deeply about feelings, etc. I'm struggling with empathy and validation. I've read the "cheat sheets", books, and watched some YouTube videos on the subject. I just am not getting it right. W needs to be able to talk to me, but I always seem to "make it all about me" without meaning to. I feel the need to explain myself and my actions. I have to learn to listen to her without needing to interject.
W has agreed to MC, which we will start next Monday. I'm both nervous and hopeful. Who knows what we will discover. I have a feeling we both are afraid we'll find out our communication deficiency is too great to continue.
Some things W has said...
She's happier alone in the house and spending alone time with D2.
She's not sure we're compatible.
She's not sure that she can trust me with finances, nor get over not being able to be a stay at home mom.
She's hurt that I don't listen to her.
MY problem is this...I've been doing some serious soul searching and INTENSE counseling, which has helped me move on. I want to focus on the future, show her my changes, and get things moving forward. She needs to talk about the past. It's her way of healing and she says that we need to talk more about it. We tried on Saturday, and I ended up breaking down in tears for the first time in a long time. It's so tough to talk about the past because I feel as though I've healed from it. It's obvious she hasn't and I completely understand her need to talk about it.
The problem is I apparently SUCK at validation and empathy, so it makes it look like this is all about me, and I'm not listening to her.
Any thoughts are appreciated. Hope everyone is doing well. Have a great day.
