Again devolved into a long conversation in texts about the flats. I feel like she's using this as a way of expressing her anger at me and maintaining communication. Looking to sort out a managent company to deal with it so that we don't have to have this between us
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
You will still obsess at times, even after you have detached. It's not a linear process, so don't worry about it. Just focus on getting through it and keep an eye on what you do that seems to help hasten the getting on the other side (particular friends that cheer you up, activities, rituals, etc.).
On the first phone call, if she wants or it is important, she'll leave a message. Don't call back unless she does & you deem it appropriate to respond. It is good that you waited, but next step is just to let it go when there isn't a reason to respond.
Good to not react to the anger, and it appears that you didn't let it spoil your better mood.
Keep up the good work & I hope the better mood lasts a while.
Last edited by asitis; 08/17/1503:59 PM.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
We communicated better today. I told her my need for respectful compassionate communication is not being met by her hurtful comments, she apologised, and expressed that it bothers her when I share my plans for leaving for longer periods as a way of upsetting her. I said I'll do my best to avoid that, and she admitted she's still angry and hurt by things in our past and that this causes her to lash out at times.
Noticing the tendency to want to initiate more communication after one has occurred. Avoiding this.
She also said I should also share my plans with her if it has something to do 'with our life together' which I find to be a curious use of words from a woman who said she doesn't want us to have a life together. This is business, not 'our life together'.
Also noticing that more space and lack of communication facilitates my healing. Going away for those 12 days day after tomorrow and looking much forward to it.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Feeling angry. Thinking all these things to say about how she could dump me like this, wanting to 'punish' her by saying different things.
One thing my coach told me is that he's never seen a DB'er successfully get a WAS back by punishing them. This helps me not act on these anger-filled thoughts.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Yes, and it will make your life more miserable (as it will make things worse between you & likely trigger retaliation) in the short run as well. So, you'll be punishing yourself.
Do you have an IC to talk through your feelings with (can't remember)? It is a much more constructive way of handling them if you don't.
Probably good that you recognized that you needed space right now & asked for it. That is double secret DBing.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Ohgosh - One thing that helps me is to remember that this is going to be a slow process, so theres no reason to rush into doing or saying anything. And before you DO say or do anything, think about your goals and whether what you are about to do or say gets you closer to them.
Storm kind of passed. Happy to have the knowledge here as I would have texted her tonight saying I miss her and let's hug. I know she feels the same, but if I pull she will push.. She needs to start pullin
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
