Wife says "NO" and acting like I have no rights

[asitis]

If you haven't owned up and made a heartfelt apology for your part in the R problems, then you should. You should also acknowledge that you hurt her, and that was not your intention and that you are sorry both for the hurt & that she is still hurting from that. Don't muddy that with defending yourself, or pointing out ways you were hurt by her, or good things you did. She doesn't want to hear that, and if you do, she will forget all about the apologies & and focus on reacting defensively to you.

I'm suspecting you won't see a happy, melting response. And, you won't see much change. Sometimes you still need to do the right thing even if doesn't achieve a particular personal desire. It may or may not lessen her vitriol & attempts to hurt in the short run.

Then go back to DBing.

If you have already apologizing fully and sincerely without justifying or defending yourself, then apologizing more will not help. You need to give her the space she has requested and work on your detachment & GAL. If you ever get to the piecing stage, you will have time to do all the making amends and healing her heart when it will work. Right now, she needs to work through her stuff by herself.

One other thing: she is in an echo chamber with sympathetic friends & family. I agree w/ the counselor that these are her ideas & desires being flamed rather than coming from outside. There is no way to stop that. None. It will only make things worse to try to intrude on this.

On the other hand if you come in contact with these people, do not act hostile. Use your DB skills of detachment, friendly casualness, don't react to accusations and argue, listen and validate. If you have the kids & it is a special occasion for the MiL or FiL, be generous in making the kids available to them. In time these people may come to see the disconnect between her words and what they see and hear. So, don't take it personally and keep friendly.

And if they see you are happy and GAL, this will get reported back to W, so keep in mind that your DBing isn't just when she is in direct contact with you.