What I'm having issue with is how to communicate that I don't like it without pushing her away. One of her complaints was that she feels like I have kept her from having a life. I have kept her from friends. I should have went out with her AND her friends as couple dating when I was invited. Instead, I would say let's just stay home. I travel for work in outside sales, so I like to be home when I'm home. Now, she is trying to GAL. Visiting her sister on other side of state last weekend. Hanging with her best is last night at a bar and then having a "slumber party". If I tell her I don't like this, I am demonstrating I still have control, trust, and jealousy issues. Right now, my trust level is very low. I'm trying to let go of control. As it is said on here, I can't control her. So, telling her how I feel is difficult.
When you say you have an issue with communicating, do you mean about the problems or just on day to day things?
Did you have any younger siblings? Remember how you just "tolerated" them? You didn't really share the same world, except around the dinner table. You were nice b/c mom & dad made you, right? That's sort of how it is with your W at the moment.
Until you get more DBing under your belt, it's probably best to keep your mouth closed and not discuss big issues. When you receive a post from a board member, at this time, unless they tell you that you need to apply something ASAP, consider it as information you are learning. We can't tell you everything in just a few posts. Don't get all stressed and confused, thinking you've got to do something we said that day. Okay?
As far as her complaints, (and I covered this in the WW threads), those were her complaints of yesteryear. Trust me, she doesn't want you double dating now. She doesn't want you tagging along with her and her friends. Everything has changed now. So, forget about all that stuff. It's the least of what you need to worry about.
You can plan for your activities and plan to do things with the kids. Do not make plans around her schedule, just go on as if she has fell off the planet.
The best way to deal with a W who doesn't want you, is to enjoy life without her. Just leave her alone, emotionally detach, and act nonchalant.
Are you still sleeping with her? Don't leave the master bedroom and don't leave your house. She doesn't want to stay in the M, so she can leave.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
