Yes, Heather, he fired you from the job of taking care of him. I know it's hard - I worried about my ex a lot too until he remarried (not an addict, but depression and brain issues around his multiple concussions). But we offered and they rejected our help - time to move on.
It's sad because addiction is sad, and you're right, no one wakes up and decides they want to live that life. You've sent him the links and he knows his family would have his back if he tried to get clean. And since he's been in N.A., he knows where to get help. You can't do it for him, and right now, your job is to get your own act together so that you can raise those girls to be happy healthy functioning adults.
D21 should really attend Alanon or an ACOA group, it would probably be a great source of support and understanding for her.
Meanwhile, like I said, try to plan your finances so that you're not absolutely dependent on the child support, in case it suddenly dries up. Make it a goal to reduce your spending and increase your income to the point that you are able to meet all your bills every month and have an emergency fund. Read Dave Ramsey or listen to his radio show (I completely disagree with his politics, but he's right on when it comes to eliminating debt and getting on a budget). Read the mrmoneymustache website for inspiration (it's amazing how well people can live on how little, if they really incorporate the ideas there.) I also love the Tightwad Gazette books, lots of creative ideas in there.
You can handle this because you're smart, Heather. You just need to get over your own idea that you can't manage money or you can't be successful. Put a positive affirmation on a post it note on your bathroom mirror: "I can master frugality and become financially solvent and secure."
Frugality is not a dirty word - it represents freedom! Read those resources I gave you, it'll expand your mind.
Meanwhile, set up an envelope system - the easiest budgeting system for the non-mathematically or non-budget inclined. It keeps you honest in a big way and prevents nasty surprises at the end of the month.
